Tree House

Some people like to build houses in trees. Me, I have an aversion to doing things the so-called “normal” way: I have trees growing ON my house.

I noticed this the other day when I went into the front yard to mow the lawn. This is what happens when you do work around the house: you discover what is broken or crumbling or filled with trees, and all of a sudden a job that was supposed to take an hour lasts two months long.

There they were, smack dab in the middle of my rain gutter staring at me: a cute little row of maple tree saplings ranging in height from approximately six to twelve inches. I figured that my gutter must have become clogged with dirt, and the pesky maple seedlings somehow made their way into the fertile environment.

Cute as they looked – and innovative as far as house decorations go – I knew the guys would eventually need to change locations or else in a few years they would be INSIDE the house instead of merely on top of it.

So, now what? Am I supposed to climb up on a ladder and dig these things out? Not a good idea. My sense of balance is akin to that of a walrus on roller skates. Better to have trees on my house than multiple casts on my arms and legs. And our ladder is none too stable either. It was handed down to us – a family heirloom – no doubt pre-dating the Spanish American War. It has nails and screws and an ample amount of duct tape holding it together. I doubt it would support more than fifty pounds, and that’s pushing it. I could ask a kid to do the job, but I don’t think you are allowed to ask a youngster to climb ladders and do work on your roof unless they are in the roofers union or something. They do have rules about that.

So for now, I am content to sit and stare at the marvels of nature, and how life springs up everywhere, including on my roof. I just hope we get this situation cleared up before the squirrels and birds move in because I love animals and will fall in love with them completely and refuse to get rid of the trees – and my wife will kick me out and I will be living with the critters in the trees.

Oh well, I always said that the house was too small and needed some remodeling.

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