I wasn’t sure if I was going to write anything today – but running out of ideas is NOT my biggest fear. Sure, it’s right up there on my list of 11, 292 fears, just not at the top. (I won’t post the whole list. I might run out of storage space.)
No, I wasn’t going to post today – until I read an amazing post from my friend who was not going to post either – but she did. She talked about her life and her blogging experience, and then she talked about her biggest fear: being happy. Please read it if you have a chance (and mention my name because she will buy me some Fritos if you do.)
So then, what is my biggest fear? It took me a minute to figure this out. There were so many to sort through. I finally realized that my biggest fear incorporates many of my “tiny” fears and multiplies them all together into one big “fear smoothie.”
My biggest fear is: SUCCESS.
Now I know that a lot of people might think this is bizarre. Why wouldn’t I be afraid of failure instead? It’s simple: failure is much easier and much more comfortable. When you fail, you can say “Oh well, at least I tried” – and then you can go home and hide (and wallow in self-pity if you are so inclined. It’s harder to succeed.
I looked back on the patterns of my life and saw that I have the tendency to run away – abandon things – right on the cusp of success. I asked myself “why do I do this?”
It was hard to look in the mirror and face admitting this, but I know it’s true. If I were to succeed at something, I would be noticed, and I don’t like attention. I might have to meet more people and speak in front of them. I don’t like that either.
And what might happen if I had even bigger success? I might have to travel to strange, unknown places, meet strange, new people, eat food at places I was not comfortable going…the list goes on and on.
So then, why this blog – won’t it feed into that fear? The answer is YES! And that is exactly why I have to do this. I have to face my fears. That is the promise that I made to myself when I decided to take action and change my life.
I am currently working on a book about an experience in my life and I am talking about these fears. If anyone ever gets hold of it, more attention could come my way. So, will I stop? NO. I am done running. I am done hiding. The time has come to take even more action, even if it means – EEGADS! – that I will succeed.
What is your biggest fear – and what will you do about it? Think about that today!