Facebook Cooties I have been blogging a little over 4 weeks now, and I have just discovered something: I have Facebook Cooties.

Sure, I have been lucky enough to have people follow me, and a few even make comments.  The experience has been wonderful, to say the least.  But for some strange reason, no one wants to click that innocent button – just on the left over there – and “like” me on Facebook. The rejection is haunting me.  The utter humiliation of it all: I have 0 (ZERO!) Facebook friends. Null.  Nada.  None.

I began to think about this. That is when trouble set in.  Thinking gets me in trouble – almost as much trouble as not thinking.  It’s a slippery slope and I have shoes without treads.

I started checking out other blogs and looking at the number of Facebook friends everyone has. A lady who posts recipes all containing cabbage has 721.  A mother who posts cute pictures of her kids has 2,456. And a guy who writes about his dog’s bowel movements has 11,369. Clearly I am doing something wrong.

Or maybe it’s even worse than that…

Maybe I am doing something right, but it’s so embarrassing that people don’t want to admit to anyone that they read it.  Yeah, I’ll go with that explanation.  It sounds a whole lot better.

Whatever the case may be: the poor writing, the embarrassing topics, or just the humiliation of being connected with me, I thought I would give this phenomena a name. Being the Pariah of WordPress gives me the right to attach a name to it. I didn’t want to give it my name.  After all, who wants to be associated with a disease?  I could never figure that one out. So, in my infinite wisdom I have called it “Facebook Cooties.”

Soon this will appear in dictionaries.  Facebook Cooties: (noun) The blogger’s syndrome that occurs when none of your followers “like” you on Facebook. It usually occurs in the incompetent, insecure or ego-driven. There is no known cure besides getting people to click your button.

Well, that just about sums up my life.  There’s really nothing much I can do about it.  It’s all up to you: either you click that button or you don’t.  In the meantime, I am going to go take a shower, just in case the phenomenon has been caused by something else. Enough said.

Saying for the day: Make sure to always smile.  It will confuse people.

About Joe

Freelance designer and writer whose goal is to help others by writing about my experiences with fear and anxiety (agoraphobia), health struggles (cancer) and my wonderfully-happy life as a husband and stay-at-home dad. I want to empower everyone to have a happy life.

8 responses »

  1. Colleen says:

    I was going to join Facebook just so’s you’d get 1 like. But I see whining works or is it the fear that Facebook Cooties are contagious — Congrats on your first 2 Facebook followers. I was going to buy you Fritos today but I bought chips for me instead. And that’s just the way I am.

  2. MCS Gal says:

    It isn’t you – some of us are just facebookphobic.

    • Joe says:

      Ah, I see. So is it the fear that when everything in life becomes “synched” — everything tied to everything else — that life will become all knotted up?

      Or is it that some of us like to hide?

      • MCS Gal says:

        For a person who didn’t grow up with technology, it is just one more thing my brain has to sort through. And I have to admit that I find it a little intimidating to post my life to the world.

        • Joe says:

          And for an agoraphobic — a person who would rather hide under the covers all day — the experience is sort of like swallowing a piano: not easy to do and you hope it will still make beautiful music after it’s done. 🙂

  3. Tertia says:

    Facebook and other social media scare the crap out of me. I feel as if there are now a hundred new ways to offend somebody and nobody gave me the rule book. Is my blog supposed to have a facebook page? How would I even do that? And do I have cooties too? I would like it if more people share my links on their social media. I did have my first reblog recently, so that was exciting. Ah, insecurity…

    • Joe says:

      There is a widget you can put right on the main page of your blog here. It will ask people to “like you” on Facebook. There are also other ways to link to it.

      I would suggest two things: if you make a Facebook page, don’t post a lot of personal information and pictures — just a few things are nice and very helpful for finding lost friends and keeping in touch.

      Second, consider making a Facebook page just for your blog. A lot of people separate their personal Facebook page from a more business-like one.

      You never have to post much on anyone’s page. You can decide what people see, so you can stay fairly private. And I find that most people tend to be polite. Just ignore the others.

      It should be a good way to spread the word about anything. You can always try it for a short time and delete your page if you don’t like it.

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