I am writing this because a dear friend of mine asked me to write something about illness. She just wrote a wonderful blog entry about “Being Invisible,” and the good and bad things people can do or say to help you with illnesses.
At first I wasn’t sure what to do – she wanted me to write about my experience battling cancer – but I just wasn’t in the mood to dig up all those feelings and write a serious piece about it. Not right now. So this is the result of that.
Let me preface this by saying that I am well aware of the serious nature of the disease. I had it myself and I have lost family members to it. It can be a long, tough fight – never easy. My prayers go out to everyone struggling with it on ANY level.
Instead of offering my thoughts – which would take forever – I want to focus in one one way to fight cancer: HUMOR. Humor is essential in life and it is essential in fighting any disease. Humor can produce endorphins, lesson stress, and keep a person focused and strong. It is POWERFUL medicine. I used it all the time in my fight against cancer, and all the subsequent struggles with medication and side-effects; and I am here 26 years later as proof that it works.
So, here is my humorous “take” on what I had to go through. (Please, no throwing bricks at me. I am ugly enough as it is without a few more scars.)
First, the bad stuff…
TOP 13 BAD THINGS TO SAY TO A CANCER PATIENT
1. You don’t look so good.
2. I think you’re shedding.
3. Wanna play some football?
4. How does it feel?
5. How fast does that wheelchair go at full speed?
6. I bet I can beat you at arm wrestling.
7. Man, does this paper cut hurt!
8. Why did you get cancer?
9. Let’s try to find another vein.
10. This won’t hurt much.
11. Hey look, you get cable TV in your hospital room.
12. Can I have some of your Fritos?
13. Are you scared?
Now, the good stuff…
TOP 13 GOOD THINGS ABOUT HAVING CANCER
1. It’s an even more effective weight loss program than a low-carb diet and you will get into those skinny jeans in no time.
2. No need to worry about pesky razor stubble, as your legs will always be silky smooth.
3. People give you nicer Christmas presents when they think you are dying.
4. You can eat all the junk food you want and never gain an ounce.
5. Women dig the Vin Deisel look.
6. When some boring event pops up, you can stay home and no one will ever question why you didn’t go.
7. Life insurance salespeople don’t bother you.
8. You can have Fritos whenever you want.
9. Women dig scars.
10. When a telemarketer calls you can say “Hey, great, nobody ever sells me anything cuz I have cancer. I’ll buy it!” (Then see how fast they hang up.)
11. Nobody ever calls you “lazy.”
12. You get to pick where to go on vacation.
13. Sponge baths!
SMILE AND STAY STRONG!