Have you ever noticed that new words pop up every day and push the old ones away? Some of these words make sense and others don’t. But it doesn’t matter, because someday they, too, will go the way of the blacksmith and the milkman delivering bottles to your doorstep. Life changes and so must we (but only if it makes sense to do so.)
That being said, I would like to offer my first installment into the NEW AGE DICTIONARY. Here are 13 words which I think we should include in our modern lexicon:
CARBORELLA: (NOUN) The portion of the pizza cheese that gets stuck to the box. College students may also know this to be called “breakfast.”
DOODLEDUST: (NOUN) The sticky orange powder that attaches to your fingers after devouring a bag of cheese doodles. (College students may know this as “lunch.)
TWEETURATION: (NOUN) The state of being that arrives when you decide you will explode if you read just one more idiotic tweet about what someone had for lunch. (This includes carborella and doodledust.)
SHOEICIDE: (NOUN) Death from having too many shoes. (Not to be confused with Crocicide, Pumpicide or Flatulence.)
SNERK: (NOUN) A cross between a snicker and a smirk. Can often be found on animals when they are making fun of you. (Trust me – they do.)
FLINTOES: (NOUN) The heartbreakingly-sad condition when you realize that you have feet like Fred Flintstone. (Not to be confused with Ugly Beach Feet.)
VICKILEAKS: (NOUN) The unfortunate condition that arises when everyone can see your underwear and the secret is no longer Victoria’s – or yours.
E-MAUL: (VERB) What most of us would like to do to our computer at one time or another….or another…or another.
PORKOPEDS: (NOUN) Shoes made out of bacon. (Goes well with EGGSOCKS.)
GECORAGE: (NOUN) The desire to step on a lizard. (Enough said.)
CYNESIA: (NOUN) The desire to make Miley Cyrus go away. (Enough said.)
BLOGARRHEA: (NOUN) The sad condition where a blogger says too much. This happens a lot. (Guilty as charged)
JERRKING: (NOUN) The condition that arises when you try to TWERK, but wind up dancing like Jerry Lewis instead. (Guilty as charged.)