Too Much Candy

My Halloween was a nightmare.  And I am not talking about the usual kind where you dream there is a spider hovering over you while you sleep, or that your Jack O’ Lantern has come to life and is chasing you with a carving knife trying to get even. I am talking about the bad kind – the kind that really happen to you.

Halo Time

It all started so innocently, with a few trips to the store to buy candy to hand out to Trick-or-Treaters.  It all started with a plan, an idea that I thought was flawless: buy candy that I don’t like so I won’t be tempted to eat it. And that is exactly what I did. I avoided every single candy on my list of favorites – or so I thought. But somebody (who shall remain nameless – though she knows who she is) threw a monkey wrench into my plan.  They bought a bag of assorted candies that contained my all-time favorite.  I was doomed as soon as I emptied the bag into my big Halloween candy bowl.


Resist Temptation

Try as I might, I could not resist temptation.  So I did the next best thing: I gave in to it.  I snuck a few Reese’s into my mouth (and subsequently my belly) before the kids arrived. And then I hid – I hid from the evil treats that were calling my name over and over again. If I could only hold out until all the candy was gone, I would be safe. And that is when Mother Nature decided to get involved.

Wicked Weather

The wind began to howl.  The rain began to fall.  And the kids – well, they stayed home. Curse of all curses, we now have leftover Halloween candy! Now how do I get rid of it? Every time I walk past the dining room table, I can smell the perfect blend of chocolate and peanut butter.  And underneath that, the colorful sweet treats rest, just aching to be sampled…and devoured.  Oh no, I just tried a Twizzler: not bad at all.


I need to figure out what to do.  I am running out of ideas.  I was going to leave them outside, but every time I open the door, the squirrels show up.  They can smell the candy and they are hungry.  They are beginning to huddle in groups.  They are beginning to make plans.  They look angry.

Angry Squirrels 2     Angry Squirrels 1

I am starting to get very scared.  This doesn’t look good at all.

Angry Squirrels 3         Angry Squirrels 4

Candy Cat

I thought about giving the candy to my neighbors, but that’s not safe.  They have dogs, and dogs can’t eat chocolate.

I do have one neighbor with a cat, but I think she already has enough candy.

I can’t just throw out all this “food.” That would be wrong.  But the mail just arrived and along the way to get it, I downed a mini Hershey’s bar. I have to think of something quick. I didn’t know Jolly Rancher made lollipops.

I can see a stomachache headed in my direction.

Throw Away the Key

That’s it. I am locking myself in my room until this whole thing blows over – or until Christmas when the candy canes and red and green Hershey’s Kisses come out. I hear Reese’s has a peanut butter Santa. See you soon!



About Joe

Freelance designer and writer whose goal is to help others by writing about my experiences with fear and anxiety (agoraphobia), health struggles (cancer) and my wonderfully-happy life as a husband and stay-at-home dad. I want to empower everyone to have a happy life.

11 responses »

  1. ROFLMAO! Joe, that was the best Halloween story of the year.

  2. Pot it all in a pot, mix it together and create something which could be monstrously good or so disgusting that you have to throw it away! 😉

  3. Diane says:

    So funny, but I know how I feel. Not knowing what to expect at our new house I bought four bags of candy and I bought peanut m&m’s, one of my favorites and nestle crunch , Jim’s favorite. But gee four bags is easy to get rid of!! Wrong. We had NO tricker or treaters!! Now the bowl of candy is hiding in my garage. Trying only to eat one small package a day! I was so sad. I even walked out side to try to call to kids but there were none in sight.. I know next year. No candy, no calories, and save myself ten bucks!

    By joe! Keep writing..

    Ps. I am writing a weekly baking blog on the cny arts centers web site under culinary. You should check it out!


    Sent from my iPhone


  4. Maggie/Tumbleweed says:

    You gave me a good laugh, Joe. The word laugh was almost misspelled by my fingers as lunch. Food begets food!
    My Reese’s Candy is in the freezer. I can’t see it there so it’s easier to walk by. BUT it really tastes good frozen…..but it slows me down a little when I eat it frozen.

    My motor home rocked with the wind on Halloween. We were invaded by ghosts from sunken ships that emerged from Lake Ontario with that wind. No wonder there were no “trick or treaters” out here by the lake in Oswego.

    Love your humor…..and feel sorry for your stomach.

    • Joe says:

      Thank you for your kind words — I think I may have gotten it out of my system with that little binge I had yesterday — at least I hope so. 🙂

  5. […] one of the hosts plopped a huge bowl of M & M’s right in front of me. Reflecting back to the horror of the previous day, I broke into a cold sweat. Luckily I was distracted when my team ran down the field and scored a […]

  6. twrightlove says:

    How did I miss this?

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