My Halloween was a nightmare. And I am not talking about the usual kind where you dream there is a spider hovering over you while you sleep, or that your Jack O’ Lantern has come to life and is chasing you with a carving knife trying to get even. I am talking about the bad kind – the kind that really happen to you.
It all started so innocently, with a few trips to the store to buy candy to hand out to Trick-or-Treaters. It all started with a plan, an idea that I thought was flawless: buy candy that I don’t like so I won’t be tempted to eat it. And that is exactly what I did. I avoided every single candy on my list of favorites – or so I thought. But somebody (who shall remain nameless – though she knows who she is) threw a monkey wrench into my plan. They bought a bag of assorted candies that contained my all-time favorite. I was doomed as soon as I emptied the bag into my big Halloween candy bowl.
Try as I might, I could not resist temptation. So I did the next best thing: I gave in to it. I snuck a few Reese’s into my mouth (and subsequently my belly) before the kids arrived. And then I hid – I hid from the evil treats that were calling my name over and over again. If I could only hold out until all the candy was gone, I would be safe. And that is when Mother Nature decided to get involved.
The wind began to howl. The rain began to fall. And the kids – well, they stayed home. Curse of all curses, we now have leftover Halloween candy! Now how do I get rid of it? Every time I walk past the dining room table, I can smell the perfect blend of chocolate and peanut butter. And underneath that, the colorful sweet treats rest, just aching to be sampled…and devoured. Oh no, I just tried a Twizzler: not bad at all.
I need to figure out what to do. I am running out of ideas. I was going to leave them outside, but every time I open the door, the squirrels show up. They can smell the candy and they are hungry. They are beginning to huddle in groups. They are beginning to make plans. They look angry.
I am starting to get very scared. This doesn’t look good at all.
I thought about giving the candy to my neighbors, but that’s not safe. They have dogs, and dogs can’t eat chocolate.
I do have one neighbor with a cat, but I think she already has enough candy.
I can’t just throw out all this “food.” That would be wrong. But the mail just arrived and along the way to get it, I downed a mini Hershey’s bar. I have to think of something quick. I didn’t know Jolly Rancher made lollipops.
I can see a stomachache headed in my direction.
Throw Away the Key
That’s it. I am locking myself in my room until this whole thing blows over – or until Christmas when the candy canes and red and green Hershey’s Kisses come out. I hear Reese’s has a peanut butter Santa. See you soon!