April Fools

Today is World Lie Day. No, I didn’t make that up.  It’s just what I call April Fools’ Day. This unofficial holiday is celebrated around the globe; and it is a day when you are allowed to pull practical jokes on people without getting into trouble. You can tell lies and perform all sort of harmful pranks with complete immunity.  As you might have guessed by now, I am not a big fan of this day.


I was going to do a little research about the day, but I decided not to.  I was afraid that I might find out something nice about the day – like some brave person who later became a saint used to play tricks on the Roman soldiers to keep Christians from being eaten by lions or something.  That would only make me like the day; and I don’t want to like it.

I would rather go on believing what I do, even if it’s wrong: that April Fools’ Day is probably as old as the dawn of human life on Earth, when cave men had this conversation:

“Hey!  That hurts! Why did you stick your spear into my foot, Og?”

“Oh, sorry, Bog, I thought that was my dinner – April Fools!”

Truth, Justice, and the American Way

No, I am not a Nationalist, I just felt like quoting Superman.

My thought for today was to leave you with a list of some of the most common lies that we experience throughout or lives.  There are thousands more, trust me. I am just going to include the ones I can think of in the next five minutes.

Everyday Lies

“This won’t hurt” – If a doctor or dentist says this to you, get ready for some major pain.

“You have to wait 45 minutes after eating before doing anything” – This has been applied to everything from swimming to exercising to being romantic and is just not true.  I know this because I saw Michael Phelps eating a sub between races.

“Ignore it (them) and it (they) will go away” – This is used to make you think that a bully will eventually stop punching you in the face, but can also be used on a bigger scale such as in the case of Poland and Nazi Germany.  You get the idea. In another sense, it can be applied to sickness, like “If I ignore this lump, it will probably go away.”  Not a good idea.

“The quickest (fastest) way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” – This is an outright lie.  Everyone knows that it’s through the rib cage.

“If you make a funny face, it will freeze like that” – Believe me, I have tried this one a thousand times and – okay, maybe this one IS true.

“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise,” – I don’t know about the healthy and wise part, but if you want to test out the wealthy part, just ask Keith Richards.

“If you are ever in the woods and a bear starts chasing you, just play dead and it will go away” – Does anybody really buy into this one?  My guess is that the bear’s going to say “Woohoo, dinner, and I didn’t even have to break a sweat!”

“If I’m elected, I promise to: _____ “ You fill in the blank.  Just about anything you could ever plop in there applies. Don’t you agree?

“This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you” – Oh yeah?  Then why don’t we switch places?  I think I have made my point.

“One size fits all” – No explanation needed.

“You never know until you try” – This one was used to get us to try new things; but what if we didn’t want to try them? Although once in a while it may be true, I maintain that most of the time it isn’t. I think I already have a pretty good idea that a dart in my eye is not going to feel good, or if I jump out of a plane without a parachute, something bad will probably happen.  I don’t think I need to try these things in order to get a good idea of the outcome.

“No can sometimes mean yes” – I won’t even dignify this with an explanation. It doesn’t.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me,” – I would much rather suffer the pain of a broken arm than the heartache of a nasty word thrown at me from a loved one.  Words are powerful and leave bigger scars.

“If you buy this, you will be happy” – Happiness cannot be found in “the next big thing.” Material objects do not bring us love.

Okay, I think I will end this before I start writing about the meaning of life and why I love Fritos so much. My wish for you today is that you survive it with a smile upon your face; and that if anyone decides to prank you, it is a small and harmless one.


About Joe

Freelance designer and writer whose goal is to help others by writing about my experiences with fear and anxiety (agoraphobia), health struggles (cancer) and my wonderfully-happy life as a husband and stay-at-home dad. I want to empower everyone to have a happy life.

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