I have come to the conclusion that America is becoming a hiber-nation. This idea dawned on me the other day while watching a Saturday morning cartoon. (Now you know how I spend my time.) The show was talking about animals, and teaching kids all about hibernation, defining it as “eating a lot and then sleeping for a long time.”
I dropped my bagel, shot up out of bed and said, “Hey, that’s just what we all do! That guy just defined America!”
I ate a second bagel and few cookies, climbed back into bed and took a nap after that. I needed time to rest and think about my discovery.
It’s List Time Again
I took a long look (well, that’s a lie – it was really just a minute or two) at this country (myself included), and thought it was about time to list some of the pros and cons about how we behave nowadays. A lot of these are negative, so please understand that I am just as big a culprit as anyone else. No one is safe.
What Americans Do Well:
1. Hibernate: As mentioned above, this is the act of eating a lot and then going to sleep. If you disagree with me, just think back to what you did last weekend.
2. Sports: Americans are fanatic about sports. We talk about it them the time. We have television shows that talk about sports’ every aspect. We have pre-game shows, post-game shows and half-time shows that give us a few minutes to go to the bathroom, eat and sleep until the action starts again. We paint our faces the colors of our favorite teams and get into fist-fights if someone disagrees with us. We stay home from work because March Madness is on. Face it, America does sports well!
3. Shop: America knows how to shop. If you doubt me, just go to the mall at any time. It is usually packed. America created the phrase “Shop ‘til you drop,” and this applies even more to the holiday season, when we leave the family dinner table to save a few bucks on a TV that is 2 inches bigger than the brand new one we already have. If you are skeptical about America’s intensity in regards to shopping, just stand in the way of a lady at the Payless Shoe Store’s “buy one get one sale.” Case closed.
4. Eat: America is serious about its food. We eat everywhere: in movie theaters, at sports events, at our desks at work, in the car, while sitting on the couch watching TV (they even have couches with built-in trays and cup holders), and walking down the street. We have TV channels that only talk about food, and if you watch any other channel, around half the commercials are about food. We love it so much, and hold it in such high esteem that we even have eating contests, thereby combining number 2 with number 4.
5. Complain and Criticize: We do it all the time. We have movie critics, TV critics, food critics, and cranky bloggers who criticize America for eating too much. We complain about the weather, moaning about how it’s too cold and we have to crank up the heat. Then, as soon as it gets warm, we crank up the air conditioner. Are we ever happy? It doesn’t seem like it. But what do I know? I didn’t get enough food or sleep last night.
6. Make Noise: Americans are loud and getting louder every day. If you don’t believe me, just point a TV camera at a crowd and be prepared to plug your ears. Games at a sports arena are louder than ever, so don’t ever take a date there unless you don’t have anything to talk about. And who invented the “woooo” that took the place of applause? Apparently, just clapping the hands wasn’t good enough because you didn’t make enough noise or stick out of a crowd. Now, if something is good, people have to shout “wooo” in a high-pitched tone.
It just dawned on me (not really, but it sounds better when I say it this way) that all of the above traits might be considered negative. So, for the sake of balance, (and because I love this country and don’t want to get kicked out), I will try to think of some positive things American do well.
7. Work: Believe it or not, Americans put in more hours of work than people in many other countries around the world. In some countries it is common for workers to get 2 months of vacation a year. In America, we are happy if we get 2 weeks. Americans work hard.
8. Entertain: America knows how to keep people occupied and help them have a good time. We throw huge parties that no one can match, and our movies, television and music is as good as anyplace else in the world.
9. Search for the Truth: If you combine America’s sense of skepticism with our rights of freedom of speech press, you will find the recipe for seeking the truth. Our media does this very well. We have undercover reporters who do their best to bring us the truth, and are concerned for our general welfare. Those who would deceive us have a hard time getting away with it.
10. Helping Other Countries in Need: Whenever there is a disaster, Americans go out of their way to roll up their sleeves to help those in need. In an instant, we travel to any corner of the globe, with food, supplies, people power, and comfort. Americans are generous, and we do this very well.
Okay, there you have it. There are many more things, both positive and negative, but I thought I would end this list at ten before the attacks get too intense. What do you think America does well?