Sometimes I feel that there is pressure associated with blogging – if you intend to do a good job. Questions such as: what do I write today, do I really have a voice or a message, and how do I keep people interested always crop up. Today’s entry was easy to find. It is about struggle and not always succeeding.
From time to time, I talk about agoraphobia and other fears that I battle on a daily basis. I try to accompany that with tips on how to cope with them. I like to use a sense of humor, almost like a weapon, to combat everyday tribulations. Self-talk and meditation work to reduce stress. And sometimes, just plain old determination will get you through the day.
But that’s just it – sometimes I wonder if people think this is easy for me now, if I triumph every day. Well, guess what? Today was one of those days where I did not succeed; and to be true to myself, it should be written about.
Spring is finally here and that brings with it a whole new set of stress-inducers: I cannot hide behind the snow or the bad weather, I cannot hide behind a thick layer of clothing to shield me from the world, and I must go out of the house. I need to step out of the comfort of winter’s cocoon, and get back into the world.
Today was supposed to be the day when I started my walking routine again. I need the exercise, and the weather is finally good. I had every intention of doing this first thing in the morning, but it just didn’t work out. I launched into a full-blown panic attack and could not leave the house. I had failed – or had I?
It dawned upon me that we cannot fail today. That is not how it works. Sure, we can mess things up, and our plans can blow up in our faces; but that is not how we measure failure and success. It is not marked by the event; it is marked by what comes next.
We cannot fail today – we can only fail tomorrow.
If we decide to give up and never try again, THAT is the failure. If our attitude turns negative and we do not try to shift it, THAT is the failure. The outcome is always ahead of us, and the choice is always ours.
Yes, it is true. I did not muster up what it takes to leave the house today. I did not meet my goal. But I did get my exercise indoors, and I will try again to start my walking regimen. I am not planning to fail. I am planning to succeed. Let’s see what happens next.
Hang in there, everyone. You are not alone.