I am confused.Okay, so about a thousand people just said: “So, what’s new?” Please allow me to shed some light on my confusion so that in the process you will join my ranks as one of the confused. Sounds, appealing, doesn’t it?
Time Marches Every Which Way
My calendar is all out of whack. I am not exactly sure what that means, but I know it’s true. As far as whack goes, I am not sure the last time it was “in” whack – or what whack really is – but I do know that’s it’s not there now. My whack is gone.
Are you starting to feel as confused as me? Good; it’s working.
I started getting this out of whack feeling right around the first of July. School had just let out the previous week, and young people everywhere were just settling into summer vacation. But – when I went into the stores, they were already “celebrating” their “Back to School” sales.
How could this be? What did I miss? Did I sleep through 2 months of summer? I was frantic, so I raced home to check my calendar. Nope, it was still summer.
Now, I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, I did NOT want to be reminded that I had to go back to school – EVER! This would have annoyed me. No wonder kids don’t seem to have fun anymore. No wonder all those selfies are of distorted faces that look like they are in pain. People need time to just relax and goof off.
It Doesn’t End There
As it turns out – after careful research (and making things up), I found out that my calendar is fine. I discovered (really no big surprise here) that the people trying to sell us things have distorted time. President’s Day has now become “President’s Week.” The Fourth of July has become “Independence Month,” and so on. If you don’t believe me, just check your local ads to see how long the Columbus Day sales last. You might be amazed.
Advertisers are out of control and we pay the price, both figuratively and literally.
Upon Further Examination
I looked into this phenomenon further because I had a lot of space to fill, and I made some startling discoveries. I looked into the language of the ad and the strategy of the marketer, and it was scary.
“Once in a lifetime” deals occur every week. “Midnight Madness” starts at 9:00 PM and lasts 6 hours. And a local department store chain (an “anchor store” in the mall) starts its 2-day only weekend sale on Friday, with a “preview day” on Thursday and an “extended held-over day” on Monday. So in reality, the 2-day sales last 5 days.
Halloween masks and supplies appeared upon the shelves this summer, right on the heels of the back-to-school sales, which was appropriate because some of the looks on those kid’s stunned faces looked just like Halloween masks. I am not sure if we hare having Thanksgiving this year, because Christmas shopping has already begun. Cyber Monday has become cyber week, and soon cyber month. Black Friday is now “Blacktober,” which is followed by “Cybervember” and “Buycemeber.”
There is no conclusion. It will never stop, not even after we spend our last penny on a home juice machine. If we need more stuff, we can get more credit cards and pile up our debt, just in time for “Bankruptuary.” I am tired of this. How about you?
Oops, sorry – gotta go. The UPS truck just pulled up and my package is here!