Blisters of Ignorance
When will I ever learn? Like an idiot, I turned on my morning news again. That’s when an attractive women in an expensive-looking pants suit said that a new virus had hit and we’re all going to die.
“That’s odd,” I thought. “Does that mean that if the virus hadn’t hit, we wouldn’t die?” I always thought that death was inevitable – for everyone. It’s great to know that death is optional – oops, I mean was optional. Now that pesky virus has gone and ruined everything. We are no longer immortal.
It turns out – after listening closely for another 15 minutes – that the woman was just “speculating.” I didn’t like that. I thought that the news was supposed to be factual, and not based upon “maybe’s” and “what if’s.” I guess I was wrong.
The facts began to pour in, and I got a sense of perspective. It turns out that this new virus has traveled to our country from the Middle East, where it has already infected a bunch of people who have kissed their pet camels.
“Sheesh,” I thought, “Don’t they know that you’re not supposed to kiss your pet? That’s why they call them ‘pets’ in the first place. They don’t call them ‘kisses’ or ‘fondles.’ If people would follow the rules, we would all be better off.”
Finally, a real doctor came on and explained that we really don’t know what will happen because there are not enough facts. It is possible that this new “Armageddon Virus” actually might be less severe than the flu – we just don’t know yet.
I was annoyed because the way they told the story made me worry. Why is news all “doom and gloom?” Why do they always propose that the next big tragedy will be the end of the world?
They have been doing this for a long time: claiming that the world was coming to an end, yet we have always survived any tribulation. Just look at our history:
In the 1930’s, The Great Depression hit and there was world-wide economic chaos. People were unemployed, hungry and homeless. We survived.
In the 1940’s, the world was plunged into its biggest conflict ever, World War Two. Millions of people were slaughtered. Freedom was at stake. We survived.
In the 1950’s, the Cold War escalated and the World’s Clock was nearing midnight due to the threat of nuclear war. In school, they taught us to hide under our desks, because everyone knows that radiation cannot penetrate those uncomfortable, heavy metal contraptions in which we used to sit. Guess what? We again survived.
In the 1960’s, everyone got scared an confused because all of our political leaders were being assassinated. Some people tried to escape by doing drugs or going to the moon – or both at the same time. Still, we made it through.
In the 1970’s, disco hit. That was the closest we have ever been to the end of the world. Luckily by the decade’s end, the New Wave movement started, and we could put away our white 3-pieces suits and survive.
In the 1980’s, all sorts of new diseases were being discovered. This was good because all the old ones were being cured and hospitals were empty. As soon as aids came along, the hospitals filled up again, and we got back to normal, where everyone is paranoid again. I battled cancer in that decade, and quickly learned not to worry about the trivial things in life. But then they invented the game “Trivial Pursuit,” and I, too remembered how to worry – but I survived.
Since that time, the world has been “on the brink” just about every couple of weeks. We have had the swine flu, the bird flu, and Ricky Gervais. We have had killer bees and “Sharknado” and people who go on TV to meet strangers and get married because they have found true love. We text, eat and watch TV when we drive. And when we are at home, we watch shows on the Travel Channel to show us what we missed while we were driving because we didn’t look out the window.
Sometimes it seems like the world has gone mad, but a little voice in my head reminded me that we say the same things about our kids that they said about us: we had the hula hoop, rock and roll and Beatlemania. And guess what? We survived.
My guess is that the world will be okay, killer virus or no killer virus. Just tell those folks who like to scare us to be quiet for a while, especially while we are eating our Cheerios.